


Seventies Shenanigans

by theotherdoctor (blueharlequin)



Category: Broadchurch, Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Crack, Crack Crossover, Crowley Got Around, F/M, Illegitimacy, M/M, Nephilim, No beta we fall like Crowley, Secret Children, Unironic use of the word 'Shagadelic'
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2020-06-25 17:15:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19750189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueharlequin/pseuds/theotherdoctor
Summary: Aziraphale just wanted a nice holiday away from London. Crowley just wanted to be done with the parenting stuff.





	Seventies Shenanigans

**Author's Note:**

> so there is now a tiny "sequel" to this [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20849111/chapters/49610771)

They are in a small seaside town when Aziraphale suddenly stops eating and stares. Since this is obviously unprecedented, Crowley looks to see what he’s on about. He gapes in astonishment. “Crowley, are you sure you haven’t gotten some children running around unbeknownst to you?” A man is sitting across from them in the café having lunch with a cheerful if a bit stressed looking lady. He’s almost a spitting image of Crowley, there’s a scruffy beard and he looks tired, but they are uncannily similar.

Crowley looks at Aziraphale, “Umm, maybe? I’m not sure.” Zira looks at him disapprovingly. “What? Angel! I can’t help that I was shagadelic in the seventies.” He says this with something crossing smug and embarrassed at the same time.

“Oh good lord, Crowley. Is that even a word?” He pauses. Their scrutiny hasn’t gone unnoticed. The couple looks over and mirrors their astonishment. “Oh dear, they are coming over here.”

“What’s your game here?” the man asks in a cross voice.

“Hardy!” the lady interjects.

Crowley is smiling and Aziraphale’s concerned. It’s not a nice smile and from the resigned look on her face, the lady knows just what is about to happen.

“See here, we’re just enjoying a nice spot of lunch when some arsehole comes over and interrupts us.” He slouches back draping himself over the chair. “I think you need to explain to us, what you’re ‘on about’ considering your attitude.”

The lady turns to him, "And I thought he was a wanker."

Aziraphale interrupts everything with, "Do you know who your father is? Because it's certainly not the man your mother married." Even Crowley is a bit stunned at his bluntness. The angel turns bright red as he realises his faux pas.

It's nothing however to the look on the man's face. All the blood has drained out of it, "How could you know that? How could you possibly know that?"

"Oh dear, my apologies." He looks around frantically to make sure no one is looking. Zira snaps his fingers and they all appear in the room he and Crowley have rented nearby.

"What the bloody hell!" The lady shouts.

Aziraphale scrutinizes the man before him then closes his eyes and concentrates. They pop wide open moments later and stare in disbelief at his demonic companion. "Crowley, explain now. I don't understand how he's a Nephilim instead of a cambion!"

"Angel, you forget that the Fallen are a wee bit different, still angels. Common demons have cambion."

"Do you even know who his mother is?" Aziraphale demands in exasperation.

"Oi, we're right here and still listening!" The angel and demon turn to the dark-haired woman who is staring at them incredulously along with Crowley's doppelganger.

"Margaret? Right? Your mum? She was a feisty lass." Crowley looks wistful for a moment before his attention snaps back to the detective's utterance.

"Not after she married." Hardy glares at the demon. "Anyway, you're lying. There is no way you can be my father, you're too young."

"Well, I don't know if you were paying attention a moment ago but, hello, demon." He gestures to himself.

Aziraphale clears his throat, "Well dear, it is a bit much to take in at once."

"Prove it." The dark-haired lady says as she crossed her arms.

The angel figures that Crowley must have been excited to meet his son because no sooner than the words had left her mouth, he snapped his fingers. The hotel room fills with tropical plants and birds, and a puma sits on the bed. She jumps and lets out a little squeak. The man looks around in disdain. "No?" Crowley inquires, and he snapped again. As soon as everything disappears, another snap and they were in a field near a church.

Aziraphale looks around, "Oh that's a delightful building," Spying the vicar he waves. "Hi Rory!" The vicar waves back at first, but then his hand goes down in confusion.

Crowley lightly tapped the angel's chest with the back of his hand, "Angel, wrong dimension."

"Oh dear, yes, forgot about that."

"Would you stop that infernal snapping," the man grumbles. "So my real Da is supposedly a demon who seduced my mum? Do you really think I'd be happy to hear that?" He clutched at his chest.

Crowley wrinkles his nose at the motion, "What's wrong with you then?" Without asking, he put his hand on the man's chest. "Oh, don't like that, not at all. Let me fix that." He snapped his fingers again and Hardy turns a peculiar shade of green and wheezes alarmingly.

"What in the bloody hell did you do?" The woman yells. "He's got a heart problem!"

"Not anymore." They both goggle at him. "Fixed that and took out that stupid metal thing."

Aziraphale decides to put a stop to the nonsense. "Well, this has gone on long enough." He had been enjoying a rather nice piece of cake when this entire fiasco had started. He snaps his fingers and they were back in the hotel room with the remains of their meal from the café sitting on the sideboard. "Everyone will introduce themselves and then we will all have a nice cup of tea." The tone he said it in made everyone take a seat, well almost everyone. Crowley sprawls over the bed, barely sitting against the headboard. "I'm Aziraphale, an angel. This is my companion Crowley." The demon smirks and waves from the bed. The angel nods at the two of them.

"DI Alec Hardy and DS Ellie Miller," the man sullenly responses.

"Ah now that we have finally introduced ourselves like civilized persons, we can get to know one another."

"I am not sure I want to know you. You abandoned my mum in a place and time where it wasn't acceptable to be pregnant and unwed." The detective growls out.

"Oi! I didn't know!" Crowley protests from the bed.

"Of course you didn't! She didn't know who you were or where you went. You most likely engineered it that way!" Hardy quips back.

"Wait," Ellie interrupts their spat. "Is Alec in danger now? Cause I though angels and demons weren't supposed to have children."

"Oh dear," Aziraphale mutters. "Now that he knows, it's just been made reality. So quite possibly, yes?" The principality looked nervous.

"What do you mean 'quite possibly yes' Aziraphale?" Crowley rose from the bed and flung himself onto the last open chair.

"Well I'm afraid the current policy about Nephilim is to wipe them out. They cause chaos and destruction once they come into their powers if not properly schooled. And since most angels loathe to admit they might have mingled, they don't acknowledge them." Aziraphale looks expectantly over to Crowley and tilts his head in the detective's direction.

"Me?! You want me to teach him about his powers now that he knows? Angel, I'm a terrible teacher."

"Nonsense, you were superb as Warlock's nanny. Surely this isn't any different, it should be easier since he's grown. And this is a good way for you to spend time with each other, get to know each other."

"Don't I get a say in this?" Hardy groused.

To Aziraphale's surprise, Ellie spoke up, "No you knob. This is to save your life. You're not going to go off and do your own thing. I'm not bloody well going to let it go like the last time."

The detective and the demon both slumped back in their chairs as they were stared down by the angel and his unlikely ally. "Alright!" they both cry at the same time, both scowling at the smug looks they receive at their acquiescence.

"It's settled then," Aziraphale clapped his hands in delight. He turned to the lady, "I don't suppose you know of any cottages for rent around this area?


End file.
